Monday, June 23, 2008

Tidepool Dreams


I feel the heat rising from the sand, coaxing my body into a quieter place, gently prying my fingers from the problems of this world, easing me into stillness. My toes curl and burrow beneath its surface, and for a moment I close my eyes, imagining that I could sink into the sand just as easily. To bury my body in the bake-oven of fluffy white beach, to be held there in the warmth, maybe that would ease the knots which have lodged themselves in my shoulders.

I tip my face to the sky, inhaling sunlight and the breeze which moves softly across the water, bringing with it a misty kiss from the sea. The surf keeps a soothing rhythm, rolling gently in and back out again, like the sleepy rise and fall of breath - easy, quietly, in surrender to the night. There is something in the movement here, the patterns at the shoreline, which so clearly proclaim the life force of the planet. The rocking of the waves and the shifting of the sand, the salt, the sun, the ever-moving air currents… all moving in unbroken union with each other. Moving within me.

I open my eyes and try to take it all in. Rising slowly, I move to see the tidepool left as the water receded. The surface is still, protected from the wind, smooth as glass, reflecting the sky and the world at its edges. Beneath the water there is life, swimming, spinning, circling… resisting the confinement found within the limits of the tiny body of water. There is also that which is motionless, a starfish, perhaps unaware of the limitations, perhaps confined before and resigned to this reality. But then again, maybe it believes it is in the sky itself, as it is reflected on the pool. Life here is easy to overlook if you don’t pause to study it, to look past the reflections.

Rocking back into the sand, looking this time at the reflections, I wonder how real they might be… the mirror image of this life around me, within me, the vision of possibilities. I’m tempted, as always, to reach out, to feel for myself and experience this reality. With the desire to touch the dream also comes the realization that in doing so I will disturb the stillness and the image reflected there. I ask myself again, as I have so often before – is the vision unobtainable? Meant for glimpsing on the glassy surface of tidepools or mountain lakes, but not meant to touch or to hold? Doubt wells up like a silent storm, churning around my heart as if it would consume me. I sink slowly back to Earth, the warm sand welcoming, comforting. I close my eyes again, and dream a tidepool dream.

Monday, June 16, 2008



“I am an experiment on the part of nature, a gamble within the unknown, perhaps for a new purpose, perhaps for nothing, and my only task is to allow this game on the part of the primeval depths to take its course, to feel its will within me and make it wholly mine.”
– Herman Hesse
Today is one of those days, when I feel especially experimental... or rather, like the experiment. One that isn't going so well perhaps. One that is being studied by that kid in the back of the room, you remember, the one who never really paid attention - the one who was always blowing things up in the Chem lab...
Then there's that "will" of the "primeval depths"... oh, yeah - there is that. Surrender, you say? "Get in the game and leave it all on the field". What if I'm no good at games? What then...

Saturday, June 14, 2008

In The Mist



Today feels like the first true day of summer, and here it is half-way through June. Ah, what we wait the longest for perhaps is more deeply appreciated? I don't know, but I'm just glad it's here... spending the day in the garden, I nearly missed some of the early bloomers. It's good to be back :)

I have this urge to go hiking... but first must tend to the chores that should have been done long before now. Or maybe I'd go fishing, it's been a long time...

In honor of those temptations, and as a promise that I will give in to them very soon - I thought I'd post "In The Mist". Written for a college project a couple of years ago, and then buried amongst other work that comes with seeking knowledge - I stumbled upon it again a few months ago...

*****

Rise early and be waiting, clear the fog out of your head
The sky begins more grey than blue; the sun will paint it red
The mist lies in the bottoms, and hides a secret at its feet
As the sunrise fades from red to gold, at the waters edge we’ll meet
The mist now softly rising, toward the sky of newest blue
Revealing now the water, and the valley it flows through
The mist surrounds my outfit, leaves me to walk with my disguise
I ease up on the river and imagine I am wise
Study life along the banks; pick one to join the dance
Hoping I can do my part, give the mist a parting glance
It’s just me and the river now, and the secret at its depth
I lift the tools of fishermen, of artists who have left
I’m here alone at water’s edge, the mist has disappeared
I’m lifting now the instruments those who came before have shared
Feeling the connections - from Grandpa, through, and past me
From man to fish to river, from thing to everything
Those who stood with me before, in part are with me now
All within me and beyond me, have joined to show me how
I lift the ancient master’s tool, the old line meets the wind
For an instant we are dancing, Grandpa and I (a kid)
A momentary rhythm - and no longer in the mist
I return to quiet solitude, the water and the fish
Step back from the water, put the old fly pole away
The fish remains a secret, to reveal another day.

DJB
EOU Fall 2006

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

spring


New foals dot the landscape
as I make my way home from Bend.
Something in my heart stirs,
remembering.
What is it about horses and men
that gets in a girl’s blood,
under her skin,
and lingers forever in her heart?
Memories of sweet breath,
softly stirring,
velvet against skin.
Quiet strength
just beneath the surface,
muscles rippling,
almost understanding,
poised to wheel and run
if movement comes too fast.
Content to share space,
comfort lost if held too tightly.
Heartbeats joined,
moving together,
flowing with the other.
Neither acting nor reacting.
Not controlling but being,
coexisting,
experiencing the wind and sun as one.

Friday, June 6, 2008

Awesome









Graduation day
Tears in my eyes
Joy in my heart
Celebration in the air

Be safe, my loves… go out and change the world

I know you have it in you to do great things!

Each has climbed a mountain,

overcome challenges

reached out from a place which only he or she can truly understand

each is unique and beautiful

solitary strength

yet connected to each other

Tears in my eyes

Smile on my face

Love and joy and celebration in my heart

And always, belief in you

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Breathe....


Yesterday, Tuesday, witnessed yet another arrogant attempt by the military regime currently in power in the US to strong-arm another nation into bowing before its demands. On the heels of celebrating the hope for real change in this nation, as Barack Obama steps into his role as the Democratic candidate, more venom spews from those who currently, and incompetently, speak for the majority of Americans. For the US Secretary of State to say that engaging in talks with Iran would be “pointless” is irresponsible and destructive. Status quo for BushCo. More enraging was the pandering to Israeli Prime Minister Olmert. More pitiful is the way this administration attempts to use Israel to bait its neighbors into armed conflict with the planet’s biggest bully. It’s like watching the mean kid down the street teach little brother to find trouble, so the older can prove to everyone just how tough he is, with aggressive offering of defense and support.

How can dialog, with anyone, anywhere ever be “pointless”? Perhaps there are occasions when talking may not be productive, but never pointless. The simple act of talking, breathing words, keeps life-giving oxygen moving, keeps energy flowing, and relaxes muscles which might otherwise harden. And it keeps fear at bay. Fear; the ultimate tool in a fascist ruler’s arsenal. Fear means control, or lack of it. When fear is present some outside, often evil force is in control. Those afraid never have it. As soon as they surrender to fear they have surrendered control. Stop talking, stop breathing, stop reasoning… The resulting tension feeds an increasing fear; the vicious cycle spins furiously, its victim oblivious.

How dare anyone who represents my country say that talking is “pointless”? Talking is imperative, just like breathing. In a former life I rode horses, and I battled fear. I learned that to sing was my strongest defense, because in singing I was breathing, and in breathing tension fades, oxygen circulates, and the brain functions. Perhaps we should teach Ms Rice to sing?

Sunday, June 1, 2008

Holes...


In trying to make life a little happier for the dog, I’ve left the screen door open so that she can lay in the sun, yet come in when she wants. It seems that this may be too much freedom for one young, mostly lab, big, black dog. I recognize that dogs often have an instinct to dig. I read once, a humorous explanation, of why Labradors so desperately need to dig. The story states something like it’s due to many generations of selective breeding to be truffle-hunters for the royal family… it was much funnier in the original. I often regret not keeping a copy filed somewhere. Given my love for the Lab, I face the instinct often, and find myself needing to laugh about holes in the yard.

I also have instincts too unruly to control… although, unlike the dog, I do know better. I find mind and my body twisting and collapsing back upon themselves as I channel the energy from these misled instincts into something more productive. At times like this even meditation doesn’t help to convince my being to simply let go. Rather than a time for centering, for healing, and for renewal it becomes quiet time for my heart and mind to wage war against my sanity, with constant dialog and practice runs of what I might say. Most of the time I win the little battles, I don’t say what I’d like to say, knowing that the words would be unwelcome in the hearer’s world. I don’t take the action that I’m created to take, but simply walk away. Other moments find me wound too tight, a tired old towel from the locker room floor, used to soak up the mess from too many footprints tracking water from the shower, thrown down and stepped on, then twisted and wrung to rid me of any sense. It’s in these moments that I say things I shouldn’t say, and find myself alone with the dog.