Ascent

Sometimes the outside world is simply surreal. It’s like being underwater, where life is silent and vision is altered. You feel isolated somehow, removed and separate. Underwater this is part of the adventure, the mystery… an expected part of the game. But feeling these things above the surface, on solid ground and in day to day experience is unsettling. As if the coffee spilled across the roadmap blurring the lines and coloring the world a muddy sort of brown. I guess it’s a little like being lost, or maybe just the anticipation of getting lost, of knowing that what lies ahead is unknown, and that your map is stained with coffee.

Inside the isolation, in the place where intellect and emotion meet, inside your head, the path is often clear. Some form of instinct presses you in a clear direction, the vision is detailed, your focus intense. That others don’t recognize your guideposts is irrelevant… this is your path. You are unable to do anything but follow it, so strong is the pull within you. Beyond the bubble of your existence, voices are distorted. Though you reach out, tentatively, into the waters around you, you never quite grasp what it is you’re longing for. The attempt is painful, and you bear many scars, each with a memory of loss. Bleeding, grieving, often you find yourself retreating within, to that known space, serene and silent. To the familiar, lonely place, under the surface, beneath the waves.

Now and then, in attempting to ascend, to rise above the liquid and its illusions, you find yourself looking into the watery eyes of a kindred soul. Together you struggle to stay afloat, to remain where the sunlight can reach your heart… to resist giving in, exhausted, knowing that in losing hope, you will find yourselves sinking into the darkness again. Rage against the pull from below, against the doubts and the depression. Look deeply into the other’s eyes, hold the gaze as if it were key to sustaining life. Know that you are not alone, know that together you are safe. Together, you’ll never be lost. If you look far enough into those eyes, connecting, uniting… truly, deeply together, loneliness will never claim you. Soon, you’ll notice you are no longer on the watery surface, but floating in the gentle warmth of a summer breeze.